Well, spring is for sure here. The temperature has turned warm for good, the
birds are chirping, the bees are hovering, the leaves are sprouting out,
everything smells fresh, and I’m cutting grass twice a week. This is a good thing, because, if you’ve been
following my posts for a long time, you know when it is grass cutting time, I
get lots of ideas for the blog when I cut grass and work in the yard.
True to form, I’m bringing one of
those ideas today, in my own way, of course.
For the first time in a long time, I’m going to talk about the art of
writing. As I mentioned in another post
a long time ago, writing is in everything. You can find it in signs, brochures,
advertisements, billboards, marketing of all kinds, music, and of course what
is close to our hearts, the written word, in the form of poetry, short stories,
novels, and non-fiction.
After I get home each evening and
settle into my recliner, I am ambushed by all sorts of forms of writing.
Reporters spewing the local and then national news, reading off teleprompters,
words written by someone. When they take breaks, the commercials come, each a
minute to two minutes to tantalize us, to entice us to buy their product.
I’m often amazed at some of the
products offered for sale and how they are pitched, especially during the peak
hours of 6:30 in the evening, when kids of all ages could be watching. My favorite? Cialis.
Oh yeah, this little gem of a
commercial makes me want to throw rocks at the TV. Who writes this thing? Do
they really get paid for that? Let’s break it down in detail, shall we?
We hear a soft, nice sounding male
voice speaking the words. “When the mood strikes you, you don’t want to pause
to take a pill or find a bathroom.” Huh? What? I remember when Lana and I heard
that version of the commercial for the first time. We looked at each other. We
aren’t stupid people. What’s in the bathroom? Can’t they wait to get home?
Could it be they are suggesting the guy is searching for a certain vending
machine? Let me tell you something. If that is what the writer is suggesting, I
don’t know about where you live and where you get around, but as for me, the
bathrooms that contains such machines are not anywhere near where the people of
such class they depict in the commercials. And if they did find one, I might
offer a suggestion. Put on a pair of latex gloves before depositing money and
operating said machine.
You might note in these commercials
we are shown what appear to be normal healthy people in love, kissing and about
to make out. The male voice in the background then talks about all the warnings
of the drug and what could go wrong, as required by law. Some of the fine
things pointed out in this commercial are, rash, hives, swelling of the lips,
tongue, or throat, which is great for a drug connected to people helping them
make out. Oh, a couple more side effects are possible trouble breathing or
swallowing. Yeah, not good, especially if you are excited. The last side effect
is always a personal favorite of mine…headaches. Listen to every drug offered
on any commercial for their side effects and one will be headaches. Even the
headache treatment drugs side effects are headaches.
Here is the last thing about my
favorite commercial that is not my favorite commercial. As our male voice softly
tells us some nebulous information about the drug and how we should be
concerned if the man is “excited” after four hours and should see a doctor.
Really? Who’s kidding who? They’re both looking at each other and going, “You
know, we got this drug because of this reason. Let’s not waste this. It’s a
sign from above. I don’t work until 8 in the morning.”
Then we fade out to a picture of a
horizon of a couple holding hands as they sit in bathtubs, but THEIR OWN
BATHTUBS. What is up with that? Is that supposed to be romantic? Hey Mr. or Ms.
Writer, tell us what is going on here. Did something not go down and they
simply can’t fit in tub together? Have they been going too long and now they
have headaches? Should Cialis team up with Epson Salts and have someone pouring
them into the tubs as they lie there because they are sore? Do they need
Chap-Stick too? Don’t leave us in suspense, will it go down in time for work or
will he have to duck-tape it to his leg?
Do these people really get paid big
money to write this stuff?
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