Walking Through Florida

           Like most middle aged people, I picked up some extra weight over the last twenty years or so.  Unlike most middle aged people, mine was compounded by my depression I suffered from for nearly that same amount of time due to my pain.  I packed on A LOT of weight simply because I didn’t care.  Now that I’m out of pain, things have changed.  One of my migraine medications is called Topamax and a wonderful side effect is that it dulls my appetite.  Very slowly since I have started that drug I have lost some weight, not enough mind you, but some.

            Now that I feel better, it is for sure time to get the rest off.  The question is how.  My wife started us on a modified Atkins diet about a month and a half ago.  I personally love this diet.  This is right up my alley.  No or very little carbs.  I can pig out on all the protein I want and vegetables, along with a salad.  Because of Topamax, I tend to eat only a Clif energy bar for breakfast and one more for lunch and that is it until supper.  I’m just not hungry for anything else.   

We kicked around different diets to try before we started.  I have to mention at this point we know people who are vegetarians or close to that.  Good for them.  Personally I couldn’t do it.  I would be ripping someone’s arm off inside of two weeks and eating it or beating them over the head with it.  I mean really?  I don’t get it.  You basically are going out in your back yard and eating what is lying around out there.  Leaves, twigs, sticks, berries, whatever the squirrels finished with.  It doesn’t sound too yummy to me.  And then most of these people know they are dealing with crappy food because they take this stuff and bring it inside and stick it in a blender and turn it on and try to turn it into something better.  Who are they fooling?  Now it is a liquid yard dropping.  Nope, not for me.  Steak, medium please.

I do need to amp up the weight loss and the only way to do that is with exercise.  Oh goodie.  The question is, what type to do.  Our former blog member, David, is very fit, and he keeps that way on a bike and I’m not talking a Yamaha.  He goes out regularly and pedals his way around town for miles and miles regardless of the weather.  I admire him.  I couldn’t do that.  I mean it. I can’t do it.  Scroll down and look to the right to my picture.  You’ve seen the suits those cyclists wear.  There is no way my body is getting in one of those suits.  First, I doubt sincerely they even make a suit my size.  If they do, it should be in a museum, not on me.  Second, those are like rubber.  You would need four men, a boy, and a big shoehorn to get me in it.  Third, I don’t even want to think of the rashes I would get in that suit.  Fourth, how in the world am I going to get out of that thing?  Scissors?  Bolt cutters?  Explossives?  Oil?

How about distance running?  Yeah right.  Heather runs.  I shouldn’t even go on with this.  Have you looked at these people along the side of the road as they run?  They all look like they are in pain and are about to die.  Later when you ask them how it went, they all lie and tell you they were “high on endorphins”.  Bull.  They were close to death.  I’ve seen that look.  Lots of times.  Usually in nursing homes.  Believe me, those people are not high on endorphins.  Look at them closer next time along the road.  You might see them bent over at the waist, grasping their wrist.  They’re checking to see if they’re still alive.  Even they aren’t sure.  Besides, from football and years of bowling, my knees couldn’t take long distance running.

I think I will go to my treadmill.  Years ago I closed off part of half our garage and made about a 12 foot by 8 foot room.  I made a little workshop in there and put our treadmill there also, which soon became forgotten.  Well, actually not totally forgotten, because we stacked lots of stuff on it. 

           Well, we put a small television in there and ran the cable in there also.  Lately we took all the crap off the treadmill and I began to use it again.  Not enough yet, but some.  Here is how it goes.  I turn on ESPN.  LOUD.  It has to be loud so I can hear it over the hum of the treadmill.  I get on and start walking.  I walk fairly fast.  I walk for thirty minutes.  Now remember, this room is enclosed within the garage area and is NOT ventilated.  I start out walking just fine, watching Sports Center. It doesn’t take long before I am dripping in sweat.  I look up and see perspiration forming on the foreheads of the guys on TV.  I want to lose weight so I keep going.  Man, it just gets hotter.  It’s like walking in Florida.  All I need now are alligators and mosquitoes the size of sparrows.  I look back up at the TV in time to see the guys reach for towels. It’s hot, I tell you.