Merry New Thanks

           Yes, I know I said I would go on with The Zealot, but I’m not going to.  This will be my last post of the year, so with the holidays I changed my mind.  I’m in a reflective, festive mood.  David just got through posting his favorite books, so indulge me some space to give thanks.

            First, let me thank Heather and Randy for inviting me to join them on this blog.  I think it was a wonderful idea and has worked out great so far.  Thanks also to David and Mike for being there each week to sound off ideas to.  Doing something like this is so much easier when you have good friends you trust participating with you.  Mostly, I want to thank you, our readers.  I hope what we do helps others.

            On a personal note, I have much to be thankful for in 2013.  If you have been reading the making of The Zealot, then you know what my wife and I have been through for the last 25 years.  In January of 2013, I found the Indiana Polyclinic in Carmel.  Dr. Arbuck, who is in charge and appreciates my weird sense of humor, and Karen Cleary, my personal “pain doc”, ended my long bout with pain.  I thank God for each day of my new life.  I know this is sappy, but I don’t care.  I have to give thanks to Lana, my wife.  I love you so much.  There is no better partner or friend out there for me.  I just wish you would laugh at my jokes more.

            So, we move on to 2014.  I will strive to be better on this blog for you.  Communicate with us and tell me how I can be better.  We struggle, as you see each week, with our own writing.  I am pretty much your basic moron with a keyboard.  Put simply, a moron with a dream.  In 2014, one way or another, I am going to publish The Zealot.  The dream will be fulfilled.  I am also going to publish a memoir on the 25 years my wife and I went through in relation to my pain and the trouble it caused.

            I can’t close on a downer.  Mike and Randy are Facebook friends and they saw a post I made a couple weeks ago.  They both said I should put it on the blog, even though it has nothing to do with writing.  First a little background.  Many moons ago, I was on the collegiate bowling team at the University of Missouri. (yes, there is such a thing)  After college, I actually became VERY good, maintaining an average over 220 for several years, with a high average of 227.

            This past Thanksgiving our son, who lives in St. Louis, came over.  Our daughter and her family live here in Indianapolis, just a couple miles from us.  The day after Thanksgiving, my dear son, daughter, son-in-law, and their two little ones, coaxed me out to go bowling.  Big mistake.  I had not bowled since ’94.  I told them that this was likely to be both ugly and painful.  I got up into the attic and brought down one of my double bowling bags.  (I still have 3 up there) Off we went.  I put on my custom-made bowling shoes made for me in 1975!  They not only still fit, but didn’t disintegrate into a big pile of dust.  The laces didn’t even fall apart!

            My turn came and I knew I was in trouble so I took it slow.  First frame two gutter balls.  I could not hang onto the ball.  Next time up, I crammed my fingers into the holes deeper and tried to bend more at the knees.  Not much better.  Pain at the knees and back.  This was as ugly as I knew it would be.  My 11 year-old granddaughter said, “Mom, I thought you said Granddad was good.”  What a killer.

            Third frame.  I was going for it.  I shoved my fingers in.  Back in the day the key to my game was how low I use to get.  I use to bend very low at the line, which is where I got my power.  I planted my fourth step and as I came through and went down, I felt my left groin muscle give way.  Not good, but it got worse.  Right after that my left testicle shot out and struck my left thigh.  The testicle rocketed down the lane, passing the bowling ball and knocked down five pins, my best score so far.

            I limped back to the ball return and waited.  Everyone was watching me.  They knew something was wrong.  They thought I was smiling.  I was grimacing.  Fortunately when the bowling ball returned, my testicle was in the thumb hole. I picked up the ball and returned to my seat, not going for my second shot, or any other shot.

            I now keep my testicle in a baggie in the crisper next to the lettuce.  I’m awaiting approval from Obamacare to get it put back in.  Something about my age and not a necessary procedure.  The groin pull has pretty much healed, but if I move a certain way I still have pain.  I’m not sure if have more muscle problems or if I have a hernia.  I have a question for you.  If you cough, should you hear the ocean?

            Have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and for God’s sake, don’t bowl.